I don’t recognize you. I’ve been deleting photos and seeing our smiling faces and yet I don’t recognize you. I don’t remember how you made me feel. I don’t remember how I made you feel. I don’t remember what it felt like to love you and lose you.

it scares me. how can 3 years of my life just disappear from my memory? how do I just lose 3 years of emotions, good and bad? is it because I have worked my ass off to get through everything with therapy, journaling and self help and now I am “all better”? is it because our love was never real, just convenient?

I don’t recognize myself either. dark hair, bangs. blonde hair, short. I don’t remember what my dreams were then. I don’t remember how I would talk to you. I don’t remember how I felt when you were around.

I have this issue often with high emotion events. mainly highly positive events. for instance, my bestie took me on an amazing trip to Vegas to see our boys for my birthday, yet I don’t remember the feeling of it. it was just over a month ago.

when it comes to break ups and long term relationships, normally those feelings last FOREVER. it took me four years to get over the last break up trauma and yet it only took me 6 months to get over you?

is it because I am with a new love and I have a lot of joy? is is because I have realized a lot of my dreams again, like having babies and a bakery?

I don’t want to fear my past.