why do I have so many photos of you ? how could I have spent 3 years of my life with you and now its all gone ? how do those photos mean nothing to me ?

thats what scares me the most. the fact that when I look at these photos, as I am trying to delete them, I feel nothing. no pain. no sadness. no happiness. I don’t even recognize myself. I don’t recognize you. because you turned out to be someone I did not think you would ever be. I know we had a lot of happiness because I remember every moment. yet for some reason these memories don’t trigger me.

the emptiness I feel is terrifying. how was I just that person, so in love with you a mere 6 months ago ? who was I ? who am I now ? who are you ? where are ?

how was I able to move on so quickly and passionately when I loved you so ? maybe I didn’t love you as much as I thought I did. not towards the end anyways.

I don’t like deleting photos. I like having memories around but seeing your face, and the emptiness scares me. so they need to go. maybe not today, but asap.